Are you married?

No, I am not.

You might be a little bit shocked that, at times, small talk with some Filipinos start with personal questions like "Are you married?", "How old are you?", "Where are you going".  Well, the last one is not so personal --- more a security concern depending on whom you are talking to.  But why is it like that?

These questions are not only for you, these questions get thrown to us, Filipinos, too.  This might be just mere honest curiosity and are asked with the aim to befriend you.

Most Filipinos would consider you as their friend as soon as they get your name and have exchanged a short conversation with them.  And to know a friend, they ask these "personal questions" which based on western standards (I am not sure about the rest of the world).  After this short conversation, you might get invited to a fiesta, party or dinner.

Filipinos are very accommodating and hospitable (I will have something more on hospitality later).  These guest-friendly Filipinos want their new friends to feel comfortable.  I guess here are the reasons for asking the following personal questions:

1.     How old are you?

They like knowing your age then say, "oh, my daughter is your age, how nice."  This can be considered rude but Filipinos will not be discriminating you because of age if you are a traveler (it is a different story with work, I'll discuss it later).  Asking for the age is something of a go-to conversation starter.

If you get asked by (older) people and if you are just 25 years old or a bit older, you will be ask if you are married.

2.     Are you married?

They won’t ask to marry you immediately when you answer “no”, so don’t worry!  But then when you answer yes and you are traveling alone, they will ask where your better half is followed by asking you how many kids you have.

Family is central to most Filipinos.  At a certain age, one is expected to be married already.  However, this might not be something that the current generation shares.  People my age don’t get married as early as in the past.  Ten (10) years ago, average age for marriage was 25, I believe.  Since some Filipinos still consider having a family of your own essential, they might show concern if you are not yet married at 30.

This is still related to the importance given to family.  Living alone in the Philippines can be considered leading a lonely life.

Filipinos live together with family and/or friends as long as they could and the only time to move out (or bring more in) is when one gets married.

3.     How many sibling do you have?

Again, family is important.  Community too.  So, if you say that you are an only child that would be probably followed by a comment like, “Aw, that’s a sad life” which is not necessarily true.  Again, family or community is central.  No one should be alone as it would mean lonely. 

4.     Where are you going (next)?

They might just want to give you tips for your next destination. 

Or, again, just simply curious.  Some people I know have not even left their islands and never plan to explore what’s on the other shore.  The concept of traveling is something the current generation has subscribed to.

5.     When are you going back to your country?

You’ve just arrived in the Philippines but you get asked that.  Don’t get offended.  It just probably means that they would like you to stay longer or even forever.

You will usually get a list of things to do and try.  They just want you to maximize your time here and that you will enjoy it.

6.     What’s your religion?

  Catholics still has the biggest share in the country but we do have most, if not all, religions.  You do not have to answer this one if you don’t want to.  I always answer that I’ve none.  In the past, it would be difficult to explain and some people will not let go of you until they convince you that they belong to the “right” religion and you should join, too.  Now, it’s not much of a big deal as per my experience. 

Filipinos mean well when they ask you these personal questions BUT don’t get too lax.  Think about your safety, as well.  Filipino’s hospitality has been overrated and some people have used that to take advantage of some foreigners.  There are good Filipinos as there are also bad.  Just don’t be too paranoid!

What are the questions that you get frequently asked and would like to just find out why?